Ask Amy: Ivy leaguer’s wife wants husband to fly the flag

October 2, 2023

Dear Amy: My husband went to a prestigious Ivy League law school.

He has never worn any clothing items or hats featuring his school’s logo.

I noticed last year that college-team coaches were wearing nice-quality, very attractive athletic shirts.

I knew my husband, with his trim but muscular build, would look great in one. I found one with a subdued logo for his law school and was excited to give it to him for his birthday. And he looks great in it!

Now that football season has started, I’ve twice suggested he wear it when we go out to casual places — once to a winery and again to an outdoor restaurant with friends.

Both times, he made an excuse not to wear it, and so I asked him why.

He has always enjoyed wearing sweatshirts and hats from his undergraduate university, but he admitted he didn’t really feel comfortable wearing this shirt because it would make him look like an elitist.

I think he should be proud of attending this law school. It’s all over his bio and CV and in Martindale-Hubbell, so what’s the big deal if he wears a high-quality shirt with a tasteful logo?

Do you think people generally see this as an elitist thing to do?

— Ivy Leaguer’s Wife

Dear Ivy Leaguer’s Wife: I’m sure that graduates of prestigious schools see this in a variety of ways.

I believe that choosing NOT to trumpet your privilege and prestige in an obvious way (even if the logo is discreet and the prestige is hard-won) is in the spirit of the original intent of some of these institutions: To take your education with you into the world, serving others before you serve yourself.

People who have pride don’t need to advertise it, even if the advertisement is discreet, tasteful, and flattering to a trim and muscular Ivy League body.

Your husband has explained his reasoning well and with humility.

You might take this as a positive example to extend to your own life.

Even though it might make a fun reality show (I would definitely watch), you probably deserve better than to identify mainly as an “Ivy Leaguer’s Wife.”

Dear Amy: On a recent small-cruise vacation with three other friends, one of the group commenced the trip with what she described as allergic congestion.

Within several days, another member of our group exhibited the same symptoms and was subsequently diagnosed with a rather uncomfortable case of Covid. He isolated until we disembarked.

The rest of our group eventually tested positive at the end of the cruise (with mostly mild cases), but the original perpetrator refused to test and went on to meet another tour group without masking.

The end of our vacation was somewhat ruined because we were unable to visit elderly friends that we had planned to see.

My husband has decided to write off the friendship due to what he considers her selfish behavior, and I think she needs to at least acknowledge her inconsideration of others and apologize.

How to handle this?

— Perplexed in Pennsylvania

Dear Perplexed: These latest strains of the Covid virus are spreading and so — as we enter another winter season, the responsible thing to do is to have tests on hand and to test yourself at the first sign of any symptoms, to notify others if you test positive, and to mask up when you’re sick or if you’ve been exposed to a known case of Covid.

However, you describe your friend as “the original perpetrator.” But maybe she was having an allergy attack.

Another person in your group (or another traveler) might have boarded this cruise with an unknown case of Covid, and spread it to others.

And yes, having been exposed to several known cases of Covid, this friend of yours absolutely should have tested and masked before hopping onto another cruise.

If you honestly believe that your friend will acknowledge her lack of consideration and apologize for your group getting Covid, then go ahead and ask her to do so.

However, given her behavior so far, I’d say your chances of receiving these considerations are very slim.

Dear Amy: You should have told “Teen With No Experience” that she is a gem. When the right man comes along, what a gift to him her virginity will be!

— Mary in Wisconsin

Dear Mary: A person’s virginity is NOT a gift to be offered to another person. The “gift” is to own your sexual choices, with joy.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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Ask Amy: Ivy leaguer’s wife wants husband to fly the flag

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